Hold My Hand Read online

  “I’m going to give this to you. I’m going to give you this and so, so much more.” His words spoken like a creed, a sacred promise from his lips to my ears and I believed him. He hadn’t yet lied to me, has spoken the truth even when uncomfortable. Was it too much to hope he’d stay true to me?

  “I want that.”

  “So you’ll accept my offer? You’ll allow me to train you?”

  “Yes sir.” I shivered with anticipation. I told myself it wasn’t fear. He’s not my father, I reminded myself. I said it repeatedly in my mind so that I would remember. I wanted this moment to be about William. I believed him and all that he promised. I knew I’d said it before but I’m determined. I truly wanted to move on.

  “You will be mine.” It was a simple statement of fact. It didn’t require a reply.

  “Yes sir.” I whispered, more to myself than for William to hear, as he placed a kiss on the top of my head and I melted further into the warmth of his body against my own.

  Chapter Three

  I cling to the possibility.

  The text came as I was taking my morning break at the coffee shop the next day.

  Glory Day Spa. 3541 South Bay Street. 2pm appointment. See Shea.

  William had told me he wanted me to relax at a spa before our weekend – two days and two nights, I’d agreed to spend with William as the beginning of my training. Still I hadn’t actually expected he’d make me an appointment and send me a confirmation. Perhaps I should’ve expected it. This was, after all, William Joseph the man I have yet to figure out.

  Thankfully, I got off work from the coffee shop at 1pm, which gave me exactly enough time to get to the spa for my appointment if I took a cab. I bustled out of the shop and immediately noticed Baylor standing beside William’s car.

  I drew up short, my hand to my chest, “Baylor?”

  “William sent me to get you to your appointment.” Baylor opened the door and I slid inside.

  “You didn’t need to come for me. I was going to get a cab.”

  “It was his order, Aubrey. I do as instructed.” I silently wondered if everyone did what William told him or her to do. I supposed so.

  I chatted with Baylor as he drove, asking many questions and receiving few answers. Absolutely no clues about William either. I wondered if I’d ever know more about this elusive man.

  There’s already a string connecting us. I felt it all day while I was away from him. Last night, sleeping in his arms was the closest I’d felt to another person. Yet the experience came at the end of an internal struggle for me; at first, I’d felt rejected. Confused by William’s lack of interest in sex, I thought to leave and return to my apartment but he assured me he just wanted to hold me this first night. Shocked, uncertainty raged its way through me.

  “I want you to become accustomed to my touch.” William guided me down a hallway to the large master suite. It had a wall of windows overlooking the gardens similar to the one in the den. In the late hour, I could see only the sky lit with flaming stars. I made my wish and it was already coming true.

  With that evening sky as the only light in the room, I watched William remove his shirt and sit on the edge of his bed. Through my lowered lashes, I looked at his masterfully sculpted chest with its light sprinkle of dark curls and the planes of smooth muscle.

  “Take off your clothes.” William reached for me, tugging me between his outstretched legs. I could lean forward and stroke him if I wanted to, but I didn’t move, not a single inch from where he arranged me to stand before him.

  “All of them?” I swallowed down my nerves and prayed my voice didn’t sound as shaky as I felt.

  “Yes.”

  “But…”

  William raised an eyebrow. “Aubrey, I thought we established our rules in the den earlier. Unless you wish to use your safe word, remove your clothes.”

  I stood still, hesitating and knowing this was the decisive moment. I needed to take this step – I was capable of taking this step – I wanted to take this step.

  “What is your safe word?”

  “Caterpillar,” I whispered the word because I didn’t intend to say it with meaning and lose my chance with William.

  “Right. Would you like to use your safe word and go home? Perhaps you aren’t as ready as we’d hoped?” He didn’t attempt to touch me. He simply watched me as I began unbuttoning my jeans.

  The voices in my head were battling over the question of right and wrong, my need for William, the church’s teachings, and my father’s angry words. They waged war against my desire to embrace this new and unexpected opportunity but I’d already come to terms with my beliefs in the church’s teaching. I stood confident that I was doing no wrong. I was an adult woman. I shook myself out of my thoughts to see William simply watching.

  Looking down, I slowly lowered my unbuttoned jeans to my feet, kicked my legs out, folded them and laid them gingerly on the bed. All this I did without looking up at William. My shirt hung below my panties and I managed to stay fairly well hidden.

  “Very good, my sweet girl, now your shirt,” William encouraged me. I was certain he had no idea how much those words meant to a girl who’d never heard praise.

  I reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, exposing first my panties, then my tummy and finally my breasts. Only my bra and panties remained. I shifted my weight uncomfortably as I folded my shirt and laid it with my jeans.

  “You’re as beautiful as I imagined.” William reached for me and tugged me closer. “Stand still.” He stroked my cheek, his strong fingers gentle as they comforted me. I shivered as his touch dropped to my collarbone. William continued stroking me –the curves on the sides of my breasts, my tummy and hips– until his hands rested on my bottom and his head leaned into my stomach.

  “I believe it’s best if we leave these on tonight.” William ran his finger along the inside of my panties along my back. “I want you to become accustomed to me and I won’t be able to resist without at least a small barrier.”

  Then I felt the snap closure on my bra release and I let out a startled gasp. William looked up at me and smiled. “This we can do without.” I stood with my arms by my side, feeling vulnerable and exposed. Yet I was more afraid to disobey. I closed my eyes and waited for his next command.

  William stood up, his body burning against my naked flesh. His hands ran along my arms as if to warm me. I could assure him the shivers weren’t from the cool air.

  “Go use the bathroom. The sink on the left will have everything you need.”

  When I came out, he stood near his dresser in just black boxer briefs. They were a striking contrast to his skin. William looked devilishly handsome in black. I still found it impossible to comprehend that I was with a man like him. Me, just Aubrey Greene, a nobody. You are nobody, a completely worthless nothing.

  “Into bed,” he said as he pulled down the comforter and other bedding so I could slide between the sheets. Then he spent hours holding me, stroking me, touching everywhere but where I wanted most. I never asked for anything, only accepted what he gave me.

  “Aubrey, ma’am, we’ve arrived.” Baylor pulled me from my memories. He must’ve been trying to get my attention for some time because he’d raised his voice.

  “I’m sorry, Baylor. I was daydreaming,” I apologized.

  “No apology necessary. I just don’t want for you to be late.”

  “Thank you for driving me. Should I expect to see you when I come out?”

  “Yes,” he smiled and offered me his hand as I stepped out, “William will be with me. I believe he has plans for dinner out before returning home.”

  “Thank you for telling me.”

  “I suspect you would’ve figured it out for yourself. He’s left a bag for you with clothing for tonight.” Nodding towards the small brick building with a bright red door, he offered another smile, “Enjoy your afternoon.”

  I returned his smile just as a thought nudged itself into my consciousness. Baylor was so u
nflustered by these errands –taking me to the spa, leaving me clothes- that I wondered how many times he’d done this before. Honestly, jealousy was ridiculous but I couldn’t stop myself from wondering. It was obvious William had done this before. He’d even referred to his previous submissives at our first dinner. To Baylor, I was likely just one of many women. Maybe even to William, I was just another in a long line of women. I shook my head, trying to let go of those thoughts. Then I flushed as another thought sprung to mind. I wondered exactly how much Baylor knew about the nature of my relationship with William.

  Thankfully, I immediately found myself distracted as I turned in the direction of the spa and headed for the bright red door as if it was a beacon.

  *****

  The Glory Day Spa was located in an upper class business area of downtown Boston. A woman with bright yellow hair greeted me at the door and I felt comforted by her genuine warmth. As the friendly staff bustled about, I waited perched on a magenta sofa feeling much like Alice in Wonderland, so out of my element there was no use denying my discomfort. The beautiful and quite bright décor lent vibrancy unexpected at a spa but I simply took it all in.

  “You must be Aubrey.” A woman with deep mahogany hair, plaited in braids and rich brown skin walked directly towards me. She seemed pleasant with a large smile that split her rounded cheeks and caused her eyes to squint unintentionally. Short and slightly round, her body hidden by a white lab coat, I felt a kinship to this less-than-perfect woman.

  Standing, I held out my hand, “You must be Shea. I’m glad to meet you.”

  “William said I should assume this is your first visit to a spa. Is that true?”

  “Yes,” embarrassed, I looked everywhere but at Shea as I answered.

  “No worries, Aubrey, before the afternoon is out, we’ll be great friends, you and I.” Her reassurance bolstered me and I smiled with relief. “We’re going to start simple. Follow me.”

  Shea turned and went back through the white door. I followed obediently and noticed the deliciously warm scent of cloves. There were candles everywhere I looked and the atmosphere back in this area was serene, quiet and peaceful. I liked this better than the reception area’s bold color palate.

  “Let’s have a massage first to get you relaxed. You carry yourself like a scared kitten ready to skitter away at the first loud noise.”

  “Not only loud noises,” I answered partly to myself but I knew she heard me when I heard her giggle. I returned the giggle, “I’m so sorry, I’m just so nervous.”

  “What has you nervous?”

  “The waxing, if I’m being honest.”

  “That’s exactly why we aren’t starting there. We’re going to get you relaxed, your muscles loosened and then we’ll begin the pruning. My recipe is pamper – prune – pamper.” Shea handed me a robe, “Take this in the bathroom. It’ll be yours while you’re here so you can leave your things. Take care of yourself if you need and then come out in just the robe.”

  I took the robe and found a brief respite in the bathroom though I knew I had to come out at some point. I began undressing; recognizing that I was fortunate Shea was so normal and kind to me. I checked myself in the mirror and was generally pleased. I couldn’t complain about my weight anymore or my height. Honestly, everything about me was normal. Just normal, nothing special.

  An iced glass of juice was waiting for me when I stepped back into the room. “I’ve poured you some refreshing raspberry lemonade...” As I took a big gulp, Shea gasped and I nearly spit out the liquid. My throat was on fire.

  “What’s in this?”

  “Are you okay? I was trying to tell you it’s a lemonade fruit concoction with some alcohol meant to help our clients relax into the experience. Sip it slowly.”

  I was hugely embarrassed. Despite not normally caring for alcohol, I took her advice and sipped the drink. Much to my surprise, it was refreshing and I could already feel myself warming, relaxing. I prayed it worked to dull the pain in my near future.

  Shea dimmed the lights further, soft music was playing and lavender covered the scent of clove. The massage was as relaxing as Shea had promised and soon I was sitting in a chair with mud on my face getting a facial.

  “I’m going to let Fawn take care of you for a bit. She’ll do your facial and hair. Then I’ll be back to finish us up today.” Shea left me with Fawn who was much more buoyant and lively.

  I heard all about the exfoliator she was using, received directions on daily face cleansing and got her opinion on the best choice for my hairstyle. Much to my relief, she approved of the long style I already wore. I don’t think I could’ve handled a completely new hairstyle at that moment. Too much was changing and I needed some things to remain the same. After the pampering and feeling like a million bucks, likely what this treatment was costing William, Fawn returned me to Shea in the first room we started our afternoon together.

  “You can keep your robe on and I’ll simply part it along the bottom or you can feel free to take it off if that makes you more comfortable,” Shea instructed me.

  I laughed, my nervous laugh, and left my robe securely fastened.

  Shea patted the lushly cushioned table and I hopped up. Shea placed one of her tiny warm hands on my calf reassuringly as she separated the panels of my robe. My anxiety edged up. It’s just a few hairs, I told myself repeatedly in my head but the words did nothing to stem my anxiety.

  As she prepared the wax, Shea talked to me. “William requested a small triangular area of hair be maintained. I‘ll trim you to make the removal easier then begin waxing from the exterior and work our way in. We can take a break whenever you need it but the best thing for you is to relax, close your eyes, listen to the music and focus on your breathing.”

  “Okay. You make it sound so simple.” I breathed in deeply, knowing it wasn’t as simple as she’d made it sound.

  “I’ve done this enough to know it’s going to hurt but also enough to know there are worse things.”

  I nodded and relaxed into the table when she raised the volume of the music. I felt light touches but chose not to look. I allowed the music to fill me. After some quiet moments, Shea bent my leg to the side, opened me and left me completely exposed to this virtual stranger. I cringed inwardly but maintained my relaxed position.

  The warmth of the wax as she spreads it along the valley connecting leg to torso was soothing, so incongruous with the next act to follow. I braced myself.

  “Relax, Aubrey. Don’t hold your breath. You were doing well with the deep breathing. Keep breathing deeply. I will count for you. Deep breath in, two, three, four, deep breath out, two three, four…” Shea comforted me.

  It was somewhere in that seventh breath when the burning, pinching, mother of all pain struck. Shea quickly ripped the wax from my skin and with it, tore my hair out. Just a few hairs, I told myself, but it was more pain than I had even imagined. Tears ran from my eyes as I lay thinking about how much more there was to be done. I wanted to crawl from the table. I whimpered, unable to locate my center again.

  “Aubrey, you’re doing this for William. I know you want to please him. Keep your thoughts on him and continue breathing.” Bending my other leg, she spread more wax, “let’s breathe together again.”

  This time, the tearing pain came with the fifth breath. It hurt just as badly but focusing on William, on my reward to follow was enough to carry me through. Once Shea completed the top of my mound, she began spreading the wax lower onto the labia region. I was spread out like a frog, both knees bent out and up. Still doing my deep breathing, I prepared myself for worse pain. After all, this area would be even more sensitive; but God was with me in that moment because the wax was miraculously removed with much less pain. A few more pulls, Shea patted my legs, stretched them back out for me, massaged the tensed muscles and told me my front was done.

  My first thought was great. Wait, was the thought that immediately followed. “So we’re done?” I asked hopeful.

  “Just
the back left,” she announced as if she’s saying it’s time for tea.

  “The b-back,” I stuttered. Certainly not. I could not be thinking the right thing. I was sure this wasn’t what she intended.

  "Yes. It’s time to do the back. You don’t want stray hairs in that region," she explained before instructing me to turn over onto my stomach.

  I did as I was told because that’s just who I am. Aubrey followed the rules. I can do this, I reaffirmed repeatedly in my head.

  "I’ll need your help for this part. Place your hands on your cheeks and spread them," Shea commanded. I’m mortified. Certainly, my cheeks are enflamed with embarrassment. No one has ever been this intimate with me before nor am I certain I would want a person to be.

  I felt the heat of the wax as all this was racing through my head. I wanted to run, or at least hide my face. I couldn’t think of William without feeling more embarrassed. Then Shea tore off the wax and the pain ran its course, not near as sharp as the front. A few more pulls and Shea instructed me to lie still while she got the topical cream.

  Shea talked to me about aftercare, how often I’d need to return even though I didn’t want to think about doing this again just yet, and assured me the heat I was feeling would subside within the hour. She handed me the cream to apply myself and left me to get dressed in the clothes William had delivered before my arrival.

  Chapter Four

  I escaped into the forbidden.

  Dinner was another restaurant I would never have chosen. I wondered for a moment if there was anything William and I had in common. As we exited the car, William told Baylor to wait for us. Baylor gave me a smile, nodded his head at William and returned to the car.

  “It’s a Friday evening. Does Baylor not get any time off?”

  “He does. Tonight I planned to take you back to my house and since we have only this one car in the city, we need to return together.”

  “Together? Where’s Baylor’s home?” As the door to the restaurant was opened for me, I imagined life with a driver, a housekeeper and simply couldn’t grasp it. It was a life so different from mine.